You are my Replacement High
by SassySeraph
Summary: Human!stuck. Karkat discovers a passed out Gamzee after receiving a disgruntled phone call one night. The two struggle to get back on solid ground and to a place where they can be happy with each other. AN: I'm really shit at summaries (and endings) sooo, yeah. It just started as a short drabble of an idea that kept pestering me to be written. Extended it for a friend.
1. Chapter 1

With a scowl on his face, Karkat pulled up the hood of his jacket and reluctantly stepped out into the pouring rain. It was four in the morning. He was not a happy camper. Ten minutes earlier he had been awaken by a drunken call from Gamzee. After a headache inducing conversation with his friend, he agreed to come over. Normally the grumpy male would tell him to just go back to bed and they'll talk in the morning, but the abrupt end to their phone call worried him.

"That little assbutt probably passed out after a night of partying again" he grumbled to himself as he powerwalked through the flooded streets. Nearly nine minutes passed before he arrived at the shack of a house Gamzee called home. A bolt of lightning streaked through the sky as he pushed open the rusted gate door and made his way up the cracked walkway. Growling lightly to himself, he walked up the four rotting steps of the porch and opened the door. Knocking would only prove useless. Gamzee barely remembered to lock his doors in the first place.

"Gamzee, are you alright in here?" Karkat called out as he closed the door behind him. Pulling down his hood, he walked into the living room. A string of curses could be heard as he nearly tripped over the varying horns, empty bottles, and fast food remnants that were carelessly strewn about the dingy carpet. "Dammit, how many times have I told him this shit could get someone killed?" Shaking his head, he flipped on a few light switches and searched the house. It didn't take long to find him.

As Karkat entered the kitchen he stumbled upon his friend unconscious on the tile floor; his cell phone, covered slightly by his hand, lay beside him. "G-Gam…What did you do this time?" Sighing softly, he knelt down and checked his pulse. "Still alive" he whispered as he sat on his knees. With another shake of the head, he glanced over Gamzee's body in the dim lighting. Sprawled out on the floor, the other male was wearing only a pair of dark violet boxers. The clown makeup he was known to wear was smudged and covered with patches of dirt that were also scattered about his body. Several bruises could be seen forming over his ribcage and arms.

Squinting, Karkat leaned closer for a better look. "Oh God, is that blood?" His eyes widened when he noted that some of the dirt was a dark, reddish brown. The scent of iron was present as well. A light groan caused him to jerk and scoot back a bit. "Gamzee…What the fuck did you do?!" Karkat held back the urge to slap him as he came to.

"Whoa…Dude, calm your titties will ya? There's no need to fuckin' yell." With another groan Gamzee sat up, gently cradling his right arm. His hair was matted and dirty. After a moment of silence, he opened his eyes and looked at Karkat. They were bloodshot and…were those tear streaks running down his face? "I see you actually came over this time grumpy pants." He sniffled and wiped his face on his left arm.

"Well, of course I did! It sounded like you passed out. I couldn't just leave you to possibly drown in your own pool of vomit." He pinched the bridge of his nose before glaring at Gamzee. "Anyway, why the hell are you practically naked, covered in dirt and…and fucking blood man?!" The thought of Gamzee getting hurt or in legal trouble from doing something stupid frightened him, but he wouldn't admit it.

"Must've left my clothes…in the ally? I think they were ripped off without my knowing…" Gamzee's face scrunched in thought as he attempted to stand. Faltering, he settled back on the floor before he'd fall on top of his friend. "Help me to my room, will ya?" he muttered as he ran a hand through his disheveled hair.

"Fine, but you're telling me what happened afterwards." After taking off his jacket, Karkat rose to a kneeling position and wrapped his arms up over Gamzee's shoulders. With a light grunt, he aided him back to his feet. Whilst grumbling another string of curses, he walked with Gamzee back to his small bedroom. It was the size of a bathroom, but it was enough for the drunkard stoner to live with. "Now, what in the great flaming hell happened?" he asked as he carefully laid him down onto his sagging mattress.

"On my way home I got in a fucking fight with a couple of bastards who worked for my dealer. Motherfuckers tried jumping me. They were sent for…to collect payment. Guess I forgot it this week." A glimpse of confusion flashed across his face as he tried to recall what happened.

"Christ, man did you kill them? Do the police know? Any normal person who could've found your ass or saw what happened would've turned you in or something." Karkat rubbed his brow and tried not to lose his temper.

"I-I don't think so…They ran after I broke their fucking noses and pulled a knife on 'em." The room fell silent as Karkat just sat there and stared at him. Gamzee only curled up and rested his head on his knees, being careful not to move or jostle his arm. "You're going to turn me in, aren't you?"

With a soft sigh, Karkat shook his head and sat on the edge of his bed. "No. I'm sure the cops were already called." He looked up and placed a hand gently on Gamzee's shoulder. "Look, I'll just head on home and act like I didn't hear or see this shit. If you get into trouble, I'll be supportive as needed…Not like your poor ass has anyone left to do so." The last part was mumbled quietly so he would not hear him.

Gamzee looked up and grabbed his arm when he was about to stand. "No! I…Please don't go. I-I don't want to be alone right now. If the fuzz come to get me, I won't make you bail my ass out or anything. Just…Just help me."

A few minutes of silence passed. Karkat only sat there and continued to stare. After a moment he finally let out a long sigh and squeezed his shoulder. "Alright, but if you do some stupid shit like this again, I'm letting your ass lay there." Gamzee only nodded at this and let him stand. "Now, let's at least get your dirty ass cleaned up a bit. Maybe get you examined. You look horrible." Leaving Gamzee with his thoughts, he walked out and headed to the bathroom to set up what he'd need. "That stupid pompous ass thinks he's invincible or something, I swear." With another shake of the head, he checked the temperature of the water he set aside before going to fetch Gamzee. "This is going to be a long day."

When Karkat returned, he was already sitting on the edge of the bed waiting. "Alright, I have some water and washcloths pulled out in the bathroom. Do you want me to help you to it?" Nodding in response, Gamzee managed to stand using his good arm to push himself up from the bed. With wobbly legs he took the few steps to reach him. Frowning, Karkat took to his left side to support him as they gradually made their way back to the bathroom.

Karkat's eyes traveled to Gamzee's right arm as he carefully sat him on the closed toilette. In the brighter light he noticed that his wrist and lower forearm were red and swollen. His knuckles were lacerated as well. "Fuck, man what did you do?" Genuine concern filled his eyes as he wet a washcloth and applied some soap to it.

"Well, when you're wasted and high off your motherfuckin' ass, your aim tends to suffer" he muttered in reply. "I probably broke something."

"After you get dressed, I'm dragging your ass to the ER whether you like it or not. I'm pretty sure you fucked up your wrist, maybe bruised a rib or two." Another sigh filled the air as Karkat cleaned up his friend, patting gingerly as he did so. "Ya know…you look better without that ridiculous clown makeup" he noted as he washed Gamzee's face, his fingers unconsciously trailing over the four scars that adorned it. A faint blush spread across his cheeks and he only shrugged.

"You know why I fucking wear it" he growled, turning his face to stare at the mold encrusted wall. Karkat bit his lip and kept silent as he cleaned up and put everything away. "If you want me to get looked at, go grab a pair of my sweats and a tee. There should be some clean ones in my second drawer. I can't go in just my big boy undies."

Nodding, Karkat stood and went to fetch clothes for him. "Here, if you can get dressed yourself I'll go out and start your car. You didn't lose your keys again did you?" Gamzee shook his head as he accepted his clothes and began to put on his pants.

"Nah, they're on the kitchen table…I think."

Leaving Gamzee to dress, Karkat walked back to the kitchen. The keys were carelessly tossed into a full ashtray. Scrunching his face he snatched them up and shook off the soot. On his way out he spotted several used needles in the corner of the room. "Aw hell no, that bastard better not be doing that." Clenching the keys in his hand, he walked out and started the old, rusty gray Volkswagen.

While the car heated up, Karkat returned to check on Gamzee. "I don't know how he can drive around in that clunky clown car" he mumbled as he entered the bathroom. The other male had managed to get fully dressed. "Hey Gam, I'm back. Your car's ready to go." With a light huff, the injured male stood and walked over to Karkat. Glaring slightly, he took his position on Gamzee's left side once more. "Once you get patched up, I'm having a stern talking with you."


	2. Chapter 2

It was now a little after one in the afternoon. Gamzee had been taken out of the OR around seven. He came to for a bit once the anesthesia wore off, but conked out soon after from lack of sleep. The altercation in the ally resulted in a few bruised ribs, several lacerations that would heal on their own and a shattered wrist and small hairline fracture in the radius. Surgery was only required to put his wrist back together with a couple small pins that would be removed at a later date.

Once they moved him to a regular hospital room, Karkat was allowed to stay and visit. Surprisingly, Gamzee had him listed as emergency contact and the like. Letting out a long yawn, he shifted in the uncomfortable plastic chair that he had pulled closer to the bed. Karkat had been up all night, waiting for his close friend to finally wake up again. "I know it's been only five hours but, man if you were allowed to you'd probably sleep all day every day." A small smile tugged at the edges of his mouth as he suppressed a light giggle at how cute his soft snoring was. It would be another four hours before he'd wake.

Not able to bear it much longer, Karkat left the room to stretch his cramping legs and use the bathroom. The familiar goofy smile greeted him when he returned. "Hey bro. You didn't have to stay all night man, or even stay awake."

"Don't worry Gam. I had nothing better to do." Returning the smile, Karkat carefully placed the cup of coffee he returned with on the bedside stand. Without another thought he turned and pulled Gamzee into a light hug. "Christ, you had me worried fuckass. D-don't do something this stupid ever again. I'm tired of it!" His body trembled slightly as he held back the urge to break out in sobs. "And fuck. I-I saw those needles! When were you going to tell me about that, huh? W-when I find you overdosed on the fucking floor or something?! FUCK!" As he got worked up, his fists clenched at the back of his hospital gown.

Gamzee frowned and stared at the sheets. The now sobbing Karkat only made him a bit tense and uncomfortable. "Bro, no need to be all worked up like a motherfuck. I'm sorry, just stop yelling." He spoke in a soft tone and gently rubbed his back a bit. "I'm fine, see?" A toothy grin spread across his face as he looked down at Karkat. "Besides, look at this motherfucking purple cast. I even sweet talked that hot nurse into getting me a silver sharpie. It'll look kick ass. Wanna sign it?" He grabbed the marker that was on his stand and offered it to him.

Hiccupping a few times, Karkat sniffled and wiped his face with a tissue. "I'm having a serious argument and all you care about is signing a fucking cast?" Sitting up he rubbed his eyes a bit before scowling at Gamzee. After a moment of silence he let out a sigh and took the sharpie from him. Karkat couldn't stay angry with him for long. It was impossible. However, he was still concerned with his lifestyle choices. "Fine, let me see the stupid thing."

Gamzee moved the supportive pillow to his abdomen and happily offered his new cast to him. Karkat took a moment to think before scrawling something across the colored plaster. 'My assbutt. No one else's.' With a small smile and light blush he signed his name. He proceeded to draw a small crab and goat next to it. "There, happy now?" He muttered, turning to face the stand as he put the marker back in attempt to hide the blush.

With a raised eyebrow Gamzee looked over what was written on his cast. "Aw, those motherfuckers are kind of cute." He chuckled lightly before glancing over at Karkat. "But, what do you mean by that?" Blinking, he pointed a finger to the line of text.

His face darkened to a deep red as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Er…Fuck, I don't know. Maybe once you get any legal stuff straightened and your shit together, we could discuss it." Looking away he grabbed his coffee and plopped back down into the chair.

"How do you feel about me, Karkat?" Gamzee asked softly, turning his head to try and lock eyes with him.

"Man, I'm not even sure anymore. I…It would be fucking great if you were able to keep your punk ass around long enough for us to find out." It was hard for him to keep eye contact without his face turning crimson. "In all honesty, I'd prefer it if you at least sought out some sort of help man. I-I'm genuinely worried about your ass and every time you call me at odd hours in the night, I fear you've gone and fucked up big time. I-it's not funny." He pouted and stared at the floor before glancing at the door. "Whatever, just… forget about it for now. It looks like the cop's here to talk with you." Cradling his coffee in his hands, he stood up and left the room knowing the man would want to probably talk in private. "I'll be back once he leaves."

Once Karkat left the room the police officer stepped in, a notepad and pen in hand. "Mr. Makara."

"Officer Cooper."

The mustachioed fellow looked like your stereotypical cop, beer belly and all. It wouldn't be surprising if he had come in to interrogate after visiting the nearby doughnut shop. Giving Gamzee a warm smile, he walked over and stood at the bedside. "I was hoping the last time I'd see you, was when you got into a drunken fist fight six months ago. Now, I'm not here to be the bad guy, put you down or anything. I just want the truth about what happened and maybe we'll be able to work things out." He looked Gamzee in the eyes and flipped open his notebook.

"I was called to a scene last night around three forty five a.m. After speaking with the bar owner and a few patrons, I discovered that you were apparently in an altercation with a couple males. I just want to hear your side of the story before working out what might need to be done."

Reluctant to speak at first, Gamzee eventually let out a sigh. He knew he'd only get in more trouble if he didn't cooperate. "Well, I started my Friday night at my favorite bar up on good ol' Birch Street. You know, Hannover's owned by Oliver and Pablo." He shifted a bit to get more comfortable before continuing. "I don't remember how many I had to drink, but I'm sure I would've fared better with a few less. Anyway, it was raining hard and I wanted to get home fast. Sooooo, I took a shortcut through some alleyways. Probably not the brightest idea I've had." He shrugged and let the officer catch up with his notes.

"Alright, when did you get into the altercation?"

"Right…Hmm, I'd say halfway through the second ally. It took me a moment to hear them as I stumbled over the scattered trash and such. They were collectors I believe, working for my dealer. Must've been a rough week since I didn't even realize I owed the motherfucker money. I don't really remember much, except that I lost a good pair of jeans and my favorite hoody in that ally. As I wailed on them, I probably hit the brick wall several times. I think I broke their noses, or came close to it and er…pulled a knife on them. Didn't use it though, they ran after that."

Officer cooper nodded as he listened and jotted down the details. "Okay. Sounds like you had one hell of a night Mr. Makara. You've been handed your share of second chances already. Now, you're going to have two choices. Either, I'll arrest you once you're discharged and you'll be serving time for battery, assault and drug and alcohol related charges or you can strike a deal. Mind you, this would be the last time you'd be able to evade jail time." He waited for a sign that Gamzee understood before continuing. "You'd have to give up your dealer, stash of drugs and attend court ordered rehab with possible community service afterwards. If you miss any of it, it's straight to prison with you. You're a good man Gamzee. I know you can get back on the right path with the right support and help. So, what would you like to do?"

As he put the notepad away, the officer let Gamzee sit there to mull things over for a few minutes. Eventually he spoke. "If I turn them in, how do I know I'll be safe from some sort of fucking revenge? I don't want to spend the rest of my life paranoid as all hell man."

"Watch your tongue. It would be an 'anonymous tip'. If anyone arrested were to ask, they wouldn't be able to find out who ratted on them."

Gamzee sighed and ran a hand through his hair. After a moment he nodded. "Fine, sounds better than rotting away in a jail cell I suppose." Officer cooper smiled and took out his pen and paper once more. The next six minutes were spent describing where he stashed his drugs, who his provider was and where he operated things. "That's all I know man. I never really got it directly from him."

"Alright, that's fine. We should be able to charge him with this once we find him." He smiled at Gamzee. "I'll get the paperwork and such done so we can get you into the rehab facility after you're discharged. The community service bit will be worked out once they see you fit to be released from the program."

"Understood, thanks officer."

"I'll let you be now. If we need anything else, we know where to get you. I wish you a fast recovery and hopefully you'll get things sorted out and such." With a nod, the officer left. Karkat would return soon after with his dinner tray.

"I hope that went well." He walked over and set the tray onto the over bed table, pulling it over Gamzee's bed once he was sitting upright. "They were passing out dinner, so I grabbed yours after asking if I could bring it to you. I bet you're starving."

"Thanks bro, it smells good." A smile appeared as his mood brightened a bit at the sight of his friend and dinner. "I think they went well…I sort of struck a deal I guess you could say. There will be no jail for me, but I had to give up my dealer, drugs and now I have to attend fucking rehab." He shook his head and lifted the lid off his plate. There was a serving of tater-tot casserole, steamed peas and carrots, a banana, milk and a plastic cup of orange juice. Karkat took his seat and smiled, glad to hear that his friend would finally get some help. Hopefully it would do him some good.

"Well, that's great Gam. I'm pretty sure you don't want to be in jail anyway. You might run into Eridan. Word on the street is they discovered his rumored secret lab. From what I heard, there was some fucked up experimentation shit with animals going on in there. That little fuckass is finally serving time. I know it's not for what he did to you when we were younger, but it's something." Gamzee looked up and smiled at him as he peeled his banana.

"Oh really? About time that freaky motherfucker got in trouble for something. Those poor fish and other critters can rest in peace now." He let out a light giggle and bit into his fruit. Karkat only nodded and leaned back into his chair. As Gamzee ate he kept up some light conversation until he finished and decided to see what was on the television.

Three days passed while Gamzee recovered in the hospital. He still had his pins and cast; they'd be there for a while. They released him at ten o'clock that morning once Officer Cooper arrived to oversee that he was transported to the rehab facility which was two towns over. Karkat had brought over a small duffle bag of clothes and such for Gamzee to bring with him. After talking with the cop, he was allowed to follow and see his friend off at the clinic.

After the twenty minute drive Karkat walked his friend into the building and to the front desk. Officer Cooper stood off to the side to make sure he didn't pull any funny business. "Mr. Vantas? You're listed as his only emergency contact, correct?" The blonde woman at the desk asked, looking up at the two males. "What is your relationship?"

"Oh, I'm his close friend…for now. Look, I'm the only one he has to even really contact alright?" Karkat's hand clenched around the duffle bag's straps.

"Alright, I understand. It's just protocol. You'll be escorted to his room where he can get settled for the day. Then you'll have to leave since he won't be allowed visitors for a few days while he gets accustomed to things."

Karkat nodded and placed a hand on Gamzee's shoulder. "Okay. Thank you ma'am." The two friends turned and followed the officer and orderly to his room. Once he was settled and unpacked, Karkat gave him a tight hug. "I'm going to miss you man. Keep your fucking nose clean and let them help you. I-if not for me, do it for yourself…You deserve better." With that, he leaned forward and kissed his forehead lightly. "Goodbye for now. I'll be sure to visit whenever I can." Blushing, he turned around and left the facility with the officer to head to their cars.

Five more days would pass before Gamzee would start with actual sessions. It was now Monday of the following week. The previous days were spent with various interview-like sessions to get to know his situation better, a mandatory physical and time to get used to the building and the now lacking presence of drugs in his system. After eating breakfast he would attend his first meeting. It was those typical AA like ones where several people sat in a circle sharing their stories. His councilor figured it'd be good for him to at least admit his problem and be alright with that fact, understanding that he needs to tackle it in order to make progress towards getting back home.

"This will be loads of fun." Gamzee rolled his eyes as he walked down to where the meeting was being held. It was one of the day rooms with the door closed. Sitting in the middle was the circle of people, about six of them with their councilor at the head of the circle. They were spaced out a bit on the blue shag carpet. Nodding to the other people, he walked in grumbling to himself and took a seat in the empty green bean bag.

"Why, good morning Gamzee. What a unique name. Anywhoo, welcome to our little weekly group, it's a pleasure to have you with us. Feel free to get started any way you wish. There's no rush. Everyone else had a go this morning." The short, pudgy man with rosy cheeks, glasses and a yellow sweater vest was a little too cheery.

Blinking, he nodded and thought for a moment. The only way he knew how to start was how AA groups apparently go about. "Hello everyone. As you've all heard, I'm Gamzee."

"Hi Gamzee." There were simultaneous nods and smiles.

"Well, it turns out I'm a bit of an alcoholic with a drug problem." He bit his lip, took in a deep breath and continued. "I had a somewhat normal childhood, if you could call it that. I never really saw much of my parents. We were well off and lived in a nice house on the shore. Anyway, I was left to be raised by my godfather. In all honesty, that wasn't really better. But, I did trust him and enjoyed his rare visits. He was a marine sergeant, so he was off to distant lands ninety percent of the time. I don't know how child services were never called for lack of child supervision." He shrugged and looked at everyone. They seemed interested enough.

"My troubles didn't start until middle school. It was the summer before eight grade. Eagerly awaiting my godfather's return for the week, I stayed up all night. After getting ready for the day, I ran out to meet him while he'd walk up the shoreline as he usually did. To my dismay, I…" He paused to keep a few tears from falling. Once they were in check, he continued.

"I found him nearly unconscious, face down in the sand. He had been stabbed multiple times, but the sick fuck left their knife in his back. I know who did it. It was this psychopathic nerd with some weird fish fetish or something. But, no one would have believed me. That motherfucker was an honor student rich kid with connections." Shaking his head he waited a moment. "That's when my downward spiral began. With the only family I had gone, I had no one left to trust or feel wanted by. In order to keep myself sane, I started smoking weed. I had my upperclassman connections."

The cheery man nodded. "Alright, care to tell us how that went? You're doing great so far." He smiled at him and let him move on with the story.

"Well, things were fine and dandy for a while. I was your typical stoner student. It was more of a casual thing, like twice a week or so. Then in tenth grade I confronted the fucker who killed my godfather. I called him out at a party and he slashed me with a large liquor bottle before running away. That's how I got these lovelies." Smiling, Gamzee pointed to the four jagged scars that ran diagonally across his face from his right eyebrow down to his chin.

"That's when shit picked up for me. I don't know why, I just started using more and picked up drinking. I had my fair share of fake IDs and used older friends when needed. Surprisingly I passed my classes, well, just barely. Fuck, I even graduated high. The teachers were indifferent. They just wanted me out of there. I stayed in my childhood home for a while, for as long as the money my parents left me lasted. I spent it mainly on weed and alcohol along with whatever munchies I wanted that week. I lasted nearly two years like that until the money ran out and I was forced to move into the cheapest place I could find. This brings me to almost present day. Here I am wallowing about, stoned out of my mind while hitting the bars every other day when I wasn't working my shit job at motherfucking Burger King. The only friend I have at this point is a grouch, but he means well I guess." He sighed and leaned back in the chair.

"Sounds like the more you got into the drug's grasp, the more your handle on life slipped."

Gamzee nodded once more. "Yeah, I suppose so. Two years ago I started shooting up the heroin. Man does that shit trip you the fuck out of your mind. Surprisingly, I managed to keep my friend from finding out about it…until now. My bro discovered the needles when he came to check on me this past month after I made it home from an altercation with some collectors who wanted my late payment." With a smile he gently knocked on his cast. "That left me with a smashed wrist and some bruises. I managed to make it through, but…if it weren't for Karkat I'd probably be in worse shape. He wasn't happy about those needles. I think I scared him more than usual this time…I don't mean to do it but, there was nothing else for me. I just want to get over this…for both of us man. I don't want to frighten him any longer or have him stay angry at me. I just want to move away from this and maybe…maybe create a better relationship with him."

"Sounds like you might be filling the gaps in your life with the high that these substances provide."

"Yeah, guess so." Gamzee sighed and stared at the carpet. "Maybe I can work on finding a substitute to provide a different sort of high."


	3. Chapter 3

Gamzee spent the next five and a half months at the rehab facility. The days seemed to drag on for eternity, but he looked forward to Karkat's occasional visits. Besides the regular group sessions and various programs, it was suggested that he see a therapist as well. A more aggressive side started to rear its head partway through his rehabilitation.

Grumbling lightly, Gamzee knocked on the door before walking into his therapist's office. "Why, good afternoon. Come on in and have a seat, then maybe we can start discussing a few things." The strawberry blonde haired woman, Constance Doyle as indicated by the sign on her desk, smiled and nodded to the empty chair in front of her. With crossed arms he walked over and plopped down in the large red chair.

"I don't see why I have to be here. I don't have any mental problems." His eyes narrowed as he stared at the woman.

Constance smiled again and pulled out some papers. "No one said you did. There were just some concerns about some recent behavior and we wanted to see if we could help in any way. I heard there have been some problems with your anger control among other things. Has anything been bothering you during your stay here?" She explained in a soft tone.

"Again, lady, I don't have any fucking anger issues."

"Well, according to the staff you threatened to scoop out another person's eyes with a plastic spoon because they ate the last pudding cup. Then you proceeded to depict doing that act via painting during an art session along with other, somewhat disturbing images." She looked up at him after glancing through the paperwork. "There's nothing wrong with talking about anything that's bothering you. This is all confidential and even if you don't have direct problems, talking through your feelings and such might help you work out what's behind them."

Eyes twitching, he only sat there and stared at Connie while drumming his fingers on his arm. "Well, I don't want to get all up and motherfucking touchy feely right now." The normally happy Capricorn scowled.

"That's fine, maybe during another session when you're more comfortable. Could we at least talk a little-"

Constance was cut off by Gamzee standing abruptly with a loud huff. "Fuck that. I'm going back to my room." Without another word he turned and left her office, letting the door slam shut behind him. Sighing softly, Connie picked up her pen and jotted down a few notes before continuing with her day.

Three days later Karkat came to visit. Once seated in a private visiting room they began chatting about recent events and the like. Through their discussions, he learned of Gamzee's recent visit with his therapist. "What the hell man?" He pinched the bridge of his nose before looking at his close friend. "Why are you so fucking angry with people all of a sudden, assbutt? Aren't they treating you right? You're making so much progress, shit like that could only hinder you from coming home. Don't you fucking want that?"

"Look bro, I don't know why I'm turning into a grouchy motherfucker like you."

"I don't threaten to de-eye people with spoons."

"Whatever. I just don't know what all up and got into my motherfucking system…Being here I just, fucking feel alienated or something."

"Is it because of your face? I can totally see if I can bring you your makeup-"

"Fuck no, man. Yeah, most of the stupid motherfuckers here look at me like I murdered someone, but that's not it…"

"Then what is it fuckass?" Karkat's face still held its frown, but his tone softened. He leaned forward on the table and sighed. "Look, if you don't want to talk with that therapist right away, fine. At least give her a chance. Just…tell me what's fucking going on so I don't worry even more about your ass at night. What's been bugging you, assbutt?"

A light sigh escaped the tan male's mouth as he slouched in his chair. It took a moment for him to try and find the words to explain what odd things were going on in his mind. "Bro…Once the drugs left my system, I haven't been the fucking same. I don't really know how to explain it." Blinking, Karkat only nodded and waited for him to continue.

"I'm…I'm so god damn lonely here motherfucking best friend!" Gamzee's gaze drifted to stare at the table's surface. "The only things I have are my stupid paintings. Apparently a brother can't get his motherfucking imagination on either. They seem worried about those too." His fingernails dug into the chair's arm rests. "I-I miss you and I just want to leave this motherfucking hell hole."

The room fell silent. Both males only glanced up at the other from time to time while they just sat there. Karkat eventually spoke as he stood from his seat. "Gamzee…I'm sorry your clown ass has to be stuck here, but you do need the help. Honestly, I'm proud of you for sticking with this so far" he said quietly. "Look, I have a doctor's appointment soon so I can't stay much longer to discuss this further. Call me if you fucking need me man and please, please try working with your therapist. It might help. The sooner you work things out, the quicker you can get out of here." After checking his watch, he gave Gamzee a quick hug before leaving.

That following week Gamzee decided to follow Karkat's advice. It couldn't hurt talking to that woman. Things started off slow, but better than their first meeting. Several sessions would pass before he was comfortable enough to open up about what had seemed to be plaguing him.

"I think I have a grasp on why I've been so, aggressive lately. I'm still not entirely sure, but it's something." Gamzee was pacing the room as he conversed with Constance. A small, red stuffed crab was clasped in his hands. It helped to keep them busy; being tactile seemed to ease his nerves lately.

"Okay, go on."

"Well, I started up pot back around eighth grade or so. I…I wanted something to ease the pain I felt then and to keep myself at ease I suppose." His hands fiddled with the puffy claws as he talked. "My motherfucking friends told me that shit would calm my nerves and it sure as hell did. The only reason I used more was…to keep this other fucking being away."

Constance raised an eyebrow but nodded. "I see. Do you mind telling me what happened to make you start smoking in the first place?" She asked softly, her pen ever so busy as she took constant notes.

"Yeah, sure…My godfather, the only family I had left who cared, was fucking murdered by some kind of sociopath. I found him barely awake on the beach the morning he was supposed to be on leave. T-there was so much blood and I couldn't do anything about it." Gamzee's grip tightened around the critter in his arms as he stopped to stare out the window and watch a few orange leaves fall from the nearby oak trees. "I-I spent my last moments with him sobbing into his shirt as he bled out and just all up and fucking died." Resting his chin on top of the crab's head, he continued with his pacing.

"I'm sorry for your loss." Connie's voice was soft and gentle. "I know the death of a close loved one can really sting, but there are healthier ways of coping." Her hazel eyes tried to lock with his light chocolate ones. "You were saying something about another being that made you use more?" she inquired, tilting her head slightly.

It took a moment before Gamzee snapped out of his current thoughts. Glancing away from the window, he nodded. "Mmhmm. It seemed like another me popped up I suppose. It's kind of motherfucking scary, this new person. Whenever I was sober I just seemed so…so damn angry with the world. Thankfully I always scrounged up enough money to get more before I snapped at someone. For some reason though, it just got worse over time." A light sigh filled the air as he walked around some more before sitting. "The drugs and alcohol keep the motherfucker quiet, but I only needed more to do so as the years went by. It's like, the angry bro inside of me got stronger the more I bottled my hatred towards things."

"Mm, I see. It sounds like you have trouble expressing negative emotions in a healthy way. Maybe a slight depression built after your godfather died and you just grew angry at the world. These emotions probably scared you and you didn't want to acknowledge them." Constance mused as she leaned back in her chair, eyes landing on the now sitting male. "Do you have any friends Gamzee? I'm sure you're not completely alone out there. I think I saw you visiting with someone your age the other day."

"Huh?" He looked up and tilted his head. Then his mind went to Karkat and a frown plastered itself onto his face. "Yeah, there are a few that I don't talk with much anymore. Then I have a real close motherfucking best friend. At least, I think we're still friends. I'm not so sure anymore." His eyes wandered to the white carpet as he pet the crab. "He found me passed out in my kitchen after I called him that night I broke my wrist…The motherfucker was so scared and…I think he was angry with me, with what I've been doing."

"Well, it sounds like he was scared and angry for the right reasons if he's truly close to you. It would appear he cares about you. If he didn't, he probably wouldn't have come to check on you that night." A light tapping sound filled the silence as she thought for a moment. "How do you feel around your friend?" She asked, setting her pen on the table. The tapping stopped. "Have you ever been sober around him?"

Gamzee fidgeted a bit before speaking. "I've been around him like that several times, but it was…different. When I'm with him my scary bro is all calm and incorporated back into me, if that makes any sense." His gaze traveled back to the floor, thinking Connie saw him as even crazier or something. "It's like I'm high, but I'm not." Tilting his head he scrunched his face as he tried to wrap his head around the thought.

"Maybe when you're with him, you have no need to be on those substances. He brings you back to your normal self before the drugs, before the hatred and darkness. With him, you're at ease. That scary other half is dead in your eyes when you're around him." A light smile graced Connie's lips. "That doesn't mean you can neglect those other feelings though. It's still not good to keep them locked away until something horrible happens." She paused for a moment. "It sounds like you two could be good confidants. I'm sure he's more than willing to listen to whatever troubles you."

Gamzee blinked. Constance's words seeped into his head and swirled with his own thoughts. "I think you just might be right about the motherfucker." A small smile replaced the frown for a split second. "I just hope he's not too angry with me…He said he'd like to try and work on our relationship more once I was all fixed…Hopefully I can be a normal person again. I-I don't want to scare my favorite motherfucker anymore."

Over the next two months Gamzee had regular visits with Constance in between the group sessions and activities. With each appointment he was able to speak more openly about what was going on in his head. They were able to work out healthier coping and management skills that would be useful to him once he was back to living in the real world. She told him that if he felt the need for more therapy, or just another ear to listen, they could keep in touch and schedule needed appointments.

That familiar goofy grin spread across Gamzee's face Christmas morning as he wrapped up Karkat's gift. He had worked on it for the past week, adding the finishing touches after the center's holiday dinner the previous night. "My motherfucking best friend better like it…I'm sure he will, honk." He giggled lightly, his odd quirk ringing through the quiet room. It was unknown where he picked it up from, but it had been gone for some time now. After taping his homemade Christmas card to the front, he picked up the flat, square package and headed out to the common area to meet his friend.

Glittery Christmas bag in hand, Karkat stepped out of his car and walked into the building. He hoped Gamzee was in a good mood and would like the present. His cobalt eyes light up when his friend's adorable grin greeted him. It appeared he was his usual goofy clown self. "Hey Gam, merry Christmas." Karkat mirrored Gamzee's grinned as he walked over and hugged him.

"Good morning and merry Christmas to you too." Gamzee returned the hug with a cheerful honk. "Let's go take a seat on those motherfucking comfy ass couches." With a light giggle, he grabbed the Cancer's free hand and happily dragged him over to the beige sofas that decorated the common area. Once seated, Karkat set his bag down on the coffee table and smiled at Gamzee. "What's that?" he inquired when the Capricorn pulled his package from behind the sofa. "It's your motherfucking present silly, honk."

Blinking, Karkat carefully took the gift from him and pulled off the Christmas card. On the front was a drawing of a crab with a Santa hat on and presents surrounding it. Written on the inside was a short message. 'MeRrY cHrIsTmAs MoThErFuCkInG bEsT fRiEnD. HoNk.'. He couldn't help but to smile as he ripped off the homemade wrapping paper. Eyes widening, he carefully lifted the small canvas and studied it for a moment. "G-Gam…Did you paint this?"

"Sure did bro. Do you like it?"

"Yeah, it's fucking perfect." Karkat nodded as he looked up from the painting and smiled at Gamzee. The scene depicted their younger selves holding hands in the middle of a wildflower field. Their corresponding sign animals sat atop their heads with button eyes and cute smiles. "T-thank you Gamzee." Setting the painting on the table he leaned over and pulled him into a tight hug. Giving him a quick peck on the cheek, he turned and grabbed the bag. "T-this is for you." A light blush filled his cheeks as he handed the bag over. It was covered in rainbow glitter and had pictures of penguins doing various winter activities scattered about its surface.

"Oooh, I wonder what this miracle could be." Grinning, Gamzee peered into the bag and pulled out its contents. Sitting on top was a box of red Faygo cupcakes decorated with icing Christmas ornaments. On the bottom was a purple knitted sweater with his favorite clown emoticon face stitched in gray on the front. His eyes seemed to glitter as he held up the sweater. "Holy fucking shit, bro, did you make this?" He looked over at Karkat and smiled.

The other male blushed and shook his head. "N-No…sorry. I tried to, but Kankri took over when he found me in a tangled mess on my living room floor." Both of them chuckled and Gamzee hugged the sweater lightly. "Wow, it feels so soft and warm."

"Yep. My brother is pretty fucking amazing when it comes to knitting. I had to convince him to stick with the original purple. He tried insisting on making it red for Christmas, or so he says." Laughing filled the area once more as they set their presents aside and hugged again. "Thank you motherfucking best friend." Gamzee then looked up when he heard someone walk over.

His addiction counselor gave them both a smile. "Good morning, I have some news I'm sure you'd enjoy." The two males sat and listened attentively. "Gamzee, the paperwork has been processed among other things. You're free to leave today. Officer Cooper stopped by and said that your community service will begin a couple weeks after the first of the year. He will get in contact with you when the time comes. I wish you the best of luck and have a wonderful holiday." Nodding at them, the overly cheery man in a sweater vest left to attend to other work.

Gamzee only sat there for a moment in silence. "Holy fuck…it's a motherfucking miracle. I-I'm free Karkat…I can go home." Tears glistened in his eyes as he pulled Karkat into a bear hug, crying silently into his shoulder for a moment. Once he had calmed down, his friend agreed to help him pack up his things. Gifts and duffle bag in hand, the two best friends walked up to the front desk and checked out. Grins plastered on their faces, they walked out to Karkat's car and headed to Gamzee's home.

Something wasn't right. A light smoke could be seen high in the air as they neared the house. Two fire trucks passed by them as they got closer. "There aren't that many people who live down this way…I wonder what's all up and wrong." Gamzee said, silently wishing it wasn't his home. When they arrived, to his dismay, only a scorched square of rubble greeted them. A single fire truck remained as it put out the last burning embers.

They had to wait for the firefighters to deem the area safe before Gamzee was allowed to salvage anything that may have remained. "Fuck man, who would all up and motherfucking do this?!" Heart racing, he frantically searched where his bed once stood, hoping his metal keepsake box was still there. He started to honk repeatedly as he dug through the charred remains. Karkat could only watch near the door frame, a frown on his face. A few minutes passed before he finally unearthed a small, metal box.

Carefully, Gamzee pulled it out of the ashes and broke the lock with a nearby rock. A few stuttered honks escaped his windpipe as he pulled out what he had hoped remained. It was his godfather's dog tags. Sniffling lightly, he pulled them over his head before digging around the area he saw something shiny sticking out from. Soon enough, his fingers grasped around the golden club and he pulled it out of the debris.

"I'm sorry Gamzee…Are you going to be fucking okay?" Karkat's voice was soft and full of concern. They were so happy just hours before and now his friend was practically manic as he stood up from the pile of ashes. The other male's body trembled slightly as he clutched the club tightly in his hand. "Those motherfuckers lied!" Karkat had to take a few steps back as Gamzee started lashing out at the burnt remains of his house's frame. "Some motherfucker found out and got back at me!" Veins bulging he started whacking anything within reach with the club whilst throwing out a few kicks here and there.

"G-gam, calm the fuck down dude." Fear shook through Karkat, making his smaller frame tremble more than Gamzee. He only got a string of frighteningly loud honks as his friend continued on his mini rampage through the house. With fury in his eyes, he turned on Karkat and swung at his head with the metal club. Blinded by rage, he hadn't realized the small male was in front of him.

"Holy fucking shit man!" In a rush of adrenalin, Karkat ducked down just in time. The club barely grazed the tips of his hair. Biting his lip, he took a chance and wrapped his arms tightly around the rampant Capricorn. The body contact stopped Gamzee. His body slacked some, his grip loosening and the club fell to the floor with a loud thud. Gamzee stood there trembling still in Karkat's embrace, hands twitching as he continued with the frantic honking.

"Shhh, it's okay Gam. Shhh, just calm down please…Everything will be fine." Karkat cooed gently, hands rubbing soothing circles into the small of his back. As the taller male started to calm more, he stood on his tiptoes and placed a warm kiss on Gamzee's lips to silence him and hopefully bring him back to normal. Breaking for air, the shorter male squeezed his shoulders gently and looked him in the eyes. A shaky tan hand reached up and pulled Karkat's head into another kiss. Silent tears ran down both their faces as Gamzee wrapped his arms around the smaller male before gently lowering themselves to the floor.

"Fuck bro…I-I didn't mean to-"Karkat cut him off with another shush, placing a finger lightly to his laps. "It's fine assbutt…You're okay now" he whispered. Gamzee only nodded before nuzzling into the top of Karkat's head. Several minutes of silence passed before Karkat spoke again. "You can stay at my place…I only have one bed, but we can share if you want until we can buy another one." Receiving a nod in response, he sat there in the Capricorn's lap until they were both calm again. When Gamzee was ready to go, Karkat picked up his club for him and walked with him back to the car.

Several days passed. Karkat was able to borrow some money from Kankri to buy Gamzee some more clothes and the like. It didn't take long for the two to get used to living together; even sleeping in the same bed wasn't much of a bother after the first couple days. The morning of Gamzee's birthday, Karkat woke up early to get his surprise ready. He silently cursed when he discovered the larger male snuggled up to him with his lanky arms wrapped tight around him. Was he drooling again? 'Oh God…It's on my fucking face…I-I think it's in my eye.' Twitching slightly, he tried not to freak out.

After some gentle prying he managed to break free from his comfy entrapment. Karkat mentally smacked himself when he heard Gamzee roll over and wake up as he was just about the leave the bedroom. "Mm, good morning motherfucking best friend." Gamzee grinned at him half sleepily as he stretched out on the mattress.

"Good morning fuckass and happy birthday. You stay in bed and I'll be right back." Karkat ordered him as he opened the bedroom door. The other male smiled and nodded as he grabbed his boxers from the floor. "Okay bro, whatever you say. Honk."

'Oh dear lord, he was sleeping next to me naked.' After shaking the light blush away Karkat headed into the kitchen to whip up a homemade breakfast. The smell of chocolate chip pancakes and bacon filled the air several minutes later. Humming lightly, he drew a smiley face onto Gamzee's stack with whipped cream. Karkat then set the dish and glass of milk on a tray before bringing it back to the room.

"Whoa, that smells fucking delicious bro." Gamzee grinned and licked his lips as he sat up in bed. "Thanks, I hope you like it." He carefully set the tray on Gamzee's lap before taking a seat next to him. "Your present will come in a few weeks…I couldn't buy it right away."

The other male looked up as he stuffed his face with bacon. "You didn't have to get me anything…"

"Well, I did and I wanted to assbutt."

Gamzee only smiled and chuckled lightly before continuing eating. As he started to finish a thought came to mind. "Hey Karkat?"

"Hmm, what Gam?"

"Do you think we could be more than motherfucking best friends now?..."

"Y-you mean like dating?" Karkat's cheeks turned red as he played with the blanket in his hands. When Gamzee nodded, he gave him a small smile. "S-sure, only if you really want to…I think we could try it out and see where it brings us."

"Good, but only if you're sure you're okay with it bro." Gamzee waited for some sort of indication that Karkat was fine with it before hugging him. "I'll be the best motherfucking boyfriend ever…You know, my therapist suggested some weird shit that you could be a replacement for the drug's high…" The other male raised an eyebrow and looked up at Gamzee.

"Oh really? That's kind of interesting…Do you really feel that at ease around me? I kind of noticed a few times we hung out together when you haven't had anything for days."

Gamzee smiled and nodded. "Yep! I…somehow feel like I'm normal again when I'm with you. Any rage I have towards the world is all up and motherfucking gone man. I-I promise I won't do any stupid shit again as long as we can stay together…If this romance doesn't work out, I just hope we can still be tight bros."

Karkat's blush deepened some. "S-sure Gam. I just want to see you happy and healthy again. I miss the old days and…if we can keep things as normal as possible, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm glad to be your replacement high." Both males smiling, they wrapped their arms around each other and kissed passionately.


End file.
